Friday, January 23, 2009

Virgin blue


Like everything else on the internet this letter complaining about the food served on a flight from Bombay to Heathrow on 7 December last year may be entirely untrue, but according to PopBitch Richard Branson said it was the funniest letter he had ever received. The heading says it all: “Which one is the starter, which one is the dessert?”
If the type is too small to read, just click on the page for a bigger version.

Understatement of the month

From the 17 January issue of the Economist:
Mr Bush struggled in part because he feared, with some justification, that the permanent bureaucracy in Washington would be hostile to a Republican agenda. He searched long and hard for loyal Republicans for nearly every post, sometimes sacrificing talent in the process. Mr Obama does not have this problem. Nearly everyone in Washington voted for him. So he worries less about loyalty and more about ability. He did not pick Hillary Clinton as his secretary of state because of her lifelong devotion to the Obama cause.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

No hands clapping


Toby Young, author of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People and The Sound of No Hands Clapping, reports that he is annoying the Americans again in his new role as celebrity judge on Top Chef:
‘It is unclear why the producers chose Mr Young whose main claim to fame is f***ing over Graydon Carter, being an EPIC FAIL and who maintains an entirely deserved reputation as a self-serving whiny drunk pissant,’ wrote Joshua David Stein on Gawker, a New York gossip site. ‘My friend Gabe deftly pointed out he is like Simon Cowell without the talent or hair,’ wrote Max Silvestri, a New York comedian. ‘But I think he’s like the lady from The Weakest Link but with a more feminine physique.’ Comments like this — comparing me unfavourably to other British television personalities who’ve crossed the Atlantic — popped up all over the internet, mainly from outraged fans. But the most wounding insults were hurled by American restaurant critics, no doubt furious that they hadn’t been asked to appear on the show themselves. ‘A horror’ was the verdict of Adam Platt, the distinguished food critic of New York magazine, who dismissed me as a ‘bald-headed Londoner’ guilty of delivering ‘forced bon mots’.
Reviewers accused him of trotting out witticisms he had prepared earlier. For example, he said of one dish where the vegetables were better cooked than the two meat components, “It rather reminded me of one of those Hollywood films in which classically trained British actors have been cast in character roles. The two leads were upstaged by the supporting cast.”

However, Young says he didn’t script his jokes and, while they might have been “not exactly Wildean”, they were all ad-libbed:
. . . one of the penalties of being a well-educated Brit in America is that people are constantly accusing you of having memorised lines for the simple reason that you talk in complete sentences and — completely unheard of, this — you don’t make any grammatical mistakes.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Thai me kangaroo down


An Australian writer has been sentenced to three years in a Thai jail for breaking Thailand’s absurdly strict lèse-majesty law:
Harry Nicolaides, 41, of Melbourne, appeared in a Bangkok court yesterday wearing an orange prison jumpsuit, with his hands cuffed and his feet shackled. He has already been in custody for nearly five months.
“He has written a book that slandered the king, the crown prince and Thailand and the monarchy,” the judge told the court.
“He was found guilty under criminal law article 112 and the court has sentenced him to six years, but due to his confession, which is beneficial to the case, the sentence is reduced to three years.”
David Farrar calls this disgraceful. Well, yes. But what shocked me was this:
The charge relates to a passage in a self-published novel in 2005 titled Verisimilitude. His family has said that fewer than 10 copies were sold.
Other reports have the total sales at seven copies. Even by the normally dismal results of self-publishing, that’s appalling. Has he no more than seven family members or friends?

For a Thai view of the matter, click here.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Country matters

Cactus Kate is rude about this opinion piece by Don Nicolson of Federated Farmers in the SST though without saying why. She is leaving the assault to Home Paddock, who so far has stayed silent. Maybe CK objects to the absurd intro based on Alice in Wonderland (“It is magic, but so too, is farming”), though probably it isn’t Nicolson’s fault as he has staff to write this stuff.

A better idea of this thinking can be found in this piece, “Town versus Country” from The Press, which is an interview (i.e. not written by Fed Farms’ PR staff) with his actual words. Nicolson makes some very good points about townies’ misconceptions about farms and farming:
Surely everyone knows that agriculture and forestry account for 65 per cent of New Zealand’s exports? You might think Australia is a farming nation, too. Yet, despite those outback farms the size of small European states, agricultural exports are not even 4 per cent of the Aussie economy. We are quite simply the biggest dairy and sheep meat exporter in the world. Or, to turn it around, the society whose fate is most closely tied to what is going on in its paddocks. . .

Our farmers continue to be the least subsidised, the least protected, of any Western state. They are also among the most innovative and productive. For the past 25 years, farming productivity has been growing 3.3 per cent a year compared with a measly 1 per cent for New Zealand workplaces as a whole.
That last statistic is staggering. The whole thing is well worth a read.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Joni Mitchell, 44 years ago

The year is 1965 and she is 22 or so here, performing “Me and My Uncle”, a song written by John Phillips (later of the Mamas and Papas) on Oscar Brand’s Canadian show Let’s Sing Out, which from memory was on Saturday nights here at 6 or 6.30. As was The Johnny Cash Show (see here for what you missed), Hootenanny, and Hullabaloo, which featured the Stones, the Animals, Ike and Tina Turner, the Supremes. . . TV really was better then.



Monitor: Mark Ellen

Thursday, January 15, 2009

A little something for the weekend

In Japan, if you’re sad and lonely you can hire a pet to cheer you up. Perhaps a cat, or perhaps a beetle:
There are more than 150 companies in Tokyo which are licensed to hire out animals of various kinds and although beetles may be cheap, dogs are much more popular.
First you pay a deposit and a hire fee. Then you are issued with a leash, some tissues and a plastic bag and given some advice on how to handle your new friend.
Kaori is a pretty waitress who regularly spends her Sunday afternoons with a Labrador. They go for a walk in the park if the weather is fine, or if it is wet they just snuggle up in front of the TV in her apartment.
“When I look into his eyes, I think he’s my dog,” Kaori told me. “But when I take him back to the shop, he runs away from me and starts wagging his tail when he sees the next customer. That’s when I know he’s only a rental dog.”
Being Japan, it gets even weirder – you can hire a (this is not about sex) temporary girlfriend or temporary dad for your children. You can even hire a mother.

English historian Andrew Roberts sticks up for George W. Bush and his probable legacy in a piece provocatively titled “History will show that George W Bush was right”. Money shot:
When Abu Ghraib is mentioned, history will remind us that it was the Bush Administration that imprisoned those responsible for the horrors. When water-boarding is brought up, we will see that it was only used on three suspects, one of whom was Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, al-Qaeda's chief of operational planning, who divulged vast amounts of information that saved hundreds of innocent lives. When extraordinary renditions are queried, historians will ask how else the world's most dangerous terrorists should have been transported. On scheduled flights?
There’s a robustly sceptical view of homeopathy here, and of relativism here.

The English classical music magazine Gramophone has put its entire archive online, so you can read interviews, articles and reviews going back to 1923. It’s astonishingly useful, and astonishingly generous. Look up any performer, any LP, any CD, and if they were worthy of note they’ll be there. There are 35 search results for Frank Zappa, 5507 for Handel. Speaking of whom, it’s 250 years ago that he died, so there will be a flood of CDs and guff this year. Here is Lorraine Hunt Lieberson singing “Bane of Virtue” in the 1996 Glyndebourne production of his opera Theodora. And yes, that is Dawn Upshaw in the white frock in the close-ups.

Sub standards

Something sub-optimal is happening with the sub-editing of our top magazines. In the old days (not wishing to sound like an old codger such as Warwick Roger, Garth George or Gordon McLauchlan) when I was one, the subs were the unsung heroes. The journalists and columnists wrote the words, but they depended absolutely on the sub-editors to ensure that what was printed was both readable and true. Not any more. APN has for a while now outsourced much of its subbing to an outfit called Pagemasters, with pretty poor results, and it looks as though ACP has done the same, judging by the quality of the product.

One recent issue of the Listener, an APN publication, listed on its content page an interview with one Norm Chomsky, whom one assumed was a distinguished Australian. Nope, it was Noam. A couple of pages over, Deborah Hill Cone referred to Michael Lewis’s modern business classic Liar’s Poker as a novel. All writers make mistakes, but they should be able to count on a sub to save them from embarrassment.

And there was a lulu in last month’s issue of ACP’s North & South, from Peter Shaw of all people. Peter knows more about music than the rest of us put together, but this is what was printed:
In September, EMI wisely decided to include a classic 1968 recording of Messiaen's Quartet for the End of Time in their series Great Recordings of the Century on EMI 212 6882. Played by the violinist Erich Gruenberg, clarinettist Gervase de Peyer, cellist William Pleeth and pianist Michel Beroff, this recording provided many people with their first Messiaen experience – and a great one it was. Now paired with his Chronochromie, a huge orchestral piece featuring an arsenal of percussion instruments, the Quartet is perhaps the quintessential Messiaen work, even though it does not feature any keyboard instruments.
I can’t believe Peter made that mistake, but any half-decent sub would have spotted that a piece whose performers include the pianist Michel Beroff does indeed feature a keyboard instrument. It rather undermines one’s confidence in the rest of the magazine.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Oh you Pretty Things

There’s probably not much of a crossover between Blur fans and those who remember the Pretty Things, who toured NZ in 1965. But Blur know the Pretty Things, or at least guitarist Graham Coxon does. Here is Blur performing “Death of a Party” from their 1997 album Blur:



And here are the Pretty Things with “Baron Saturday” from their great 1967 album S.F. Sorrow, the first rock opera (it came out a year before the Who’s Tommy). Yes, the two tunes could be related. There are no clips available from the excellent DVD of the Pretty Things' 1998 performance at Abbey Road, so this sound-only clip will have to do:



You can also hear a version of the riff on the Oasis song “Bag it Up” from their 2008 album Dig Out Your Soul. At least they’re listening to more than the Beatles, but talk about diminishing returns.

Speaking of Blur, their bass player Alex James is now a farmer, cheese-maker and columnist for the Spectator. His memoir Bit of a Blur about his time as a rock pig is a hoot.

Font of knowledge

Hey, an international typographic conference! In Wellington! Break out the Bembo!

TypeSHED11, which will run 11-15 February in Shed 11, is organised by Typevents Italy and Wellington designer Catherine Griffiths, who says:
TypeSHED11’s aim is to raise awareness of typography’s role – socially, politically and culturally. It provides a framework for content, where typography is the thread, leaving ground for practitioners, students, academics and theorists to take hold, and use this as a forum to tease out ideas and critical thought, and to participate in rigorous debate and dialogue.
Speakers include New York’s Christian Schwartz, one of the world’s most influential contemporary type designers; Melbourne typographer Stephen Banham, described by Eye magazine as a “typographic evangelist”; Japan’s Masayoshi Kodaira, recognised for pushing into three dimensions with his large-scale typographic installations; and influential Amsterdam trio Experimental Jetset, who starred in the film Helvetica and whose work was recently acquired by MoMA.

Register for the conference here.