A bitter-sweet Valentine’s Day

Ah yes, the romance of it, the celebration, the delight in our happiness. But for some, the sad and lonely, every 14 February brings the bitter reminder that they are losers in love. No roses or chocolates for them.

Which is a market opportunity seized by the admirably entrepreneurial Despair, Inc. This is their sales pitch:

For most, there is no crueler day of the calendar year than that of Valentine’s Day. While a tiny fraction of the population can look forward to a holiday of wine and roses, poetry and song, the vast majority of us can anticipate a day of nausea and grimacing, trauma and grief. A day in which minutes seem like hours, and hours like days, as we reflect sorrowfully on yesteryear’s romantic indignities, today’s loneliness, and the unknowable but certain heartbreak that will be visited upon us repeatedly in the years to come.

When cruelty and holidays collide, the weak-willed find solace in self-pity and comfort foods. And now, Despair Inc. is pleased to announce that we’ve combined BOTH into a radical new offering.

Like the ubiquitous candy conversation hearts, Bittersweets® are made of flavored, chalky-tasting sugar and sport a message on their face. But unlike other candy hearts, ours are stamped with bitter musings and mockeries perfectly suited to the dejected spirits of those who will spend the holiday alone, or wishing they were.

They offer three selections (click on the image above to enlarge): “Dysfunctional”, “Dumped” and “Dejected”.

“Dejected” sayings include I MISS MY EX, PEAKED AT 17, I CRY ON Q, LOSS LEADER, WE HAD PLANS, SETTLE 4 LESS and I’M HOT INSIDE.

“Dysfunctional” sayings include AWFUL INLAWS, I WANT HALF,
NO FIX 4 DUMB, RATHER DRINK, MUTUAL DISGUST.

“Dumped” sayings include: I GOT SOBER, HE FIT U FAT, USED U 4 FUN, BACK 2 KENNEL, HE HAS A JOB and, worryingly, U HAVE A BLOG.