Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Patrick Evans, the glamour years

The latest newsletter from the International Institute of Modern Letters (14 May) reports:
VUP is about to announce the forthcoming publication of a new novel, his first in 21 years, by Patrick Evans, Professor of English at Canterbury University. We understand that there is a clause in Evans’s contract confirming his long-held belief that all VUP authors, especially IIML graduates, have to pass a beauty test when their manuscript is accepted. Apparently the wording runs something like this:

Makeover
19. The author shall undergo, at the author’s own expense, a standard makeover, comprising a physical training programme with a licensed instructor, a new wardrobe purchased from approved fashion retailers, hair extensions, and any other measures which in the publisher’s opinion are necessary.

The word is that, like so many before him, the desperate author has signed his contract. We recommend that all suggestions for Professor Evans’s improvement programme be sent directly to Professor Ken Strongman who, as Pro-Vice Chancellor (Arts) at the University of Canterbury, ‘granted me the leave and funding that enabled completion of this project’.
I had forgotten about Evans’s Listener article on NZ lit’s “spectacular babies” and, more specifically, its spectacular babes. It is, perhaps unintentionally, a hoot.

6 comments:

  1. I hope that photo shows Evans before the makeover.

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  2. I do not know Professor Evans, Good Charlotte, but I believe that this is a Before photo, not an After one. As soon as can find some shots of his exciting new look, rest assured I shall post them.

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  3. Prof Evans has always been a mischievous tease - and you fell for it...

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  4. Little Tinker, do give me some credit. I have, after all, read his novels. They are funny and good. I hear that the new one is more than good.

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  6. That's an interesting selection, Will. Wouldn't argue with it, but what about Charlotte Grimshaw, Damien Wilkins, Elizabeth Knox, Chris Price. . . There's this young fellow called Bill Manhire, a bit younger than Pat Grace anyway. He's quite good too.

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