Thursday, April 8, 2010

Nominative determinism #4

This evening I was caught and ticketed for doing 94 kph in an 80 kph zone. The officer who, quite rightly, apprehended me was called Jack Driver. He was never going to be a doctor, lawyer or plumber, was he.

The reason I was speeding was that I was running late – children, work, yada yada – and keen to get to my wife’s work in time for the Great Pumpkin weigh-in. There had been a competition among the staff, who are mostly farmers and scientists, to grow the biggest Cucurbita: many found it a challenge as they had only, or mostly, male flowers. There was much low-key but bitter discussion of the difficulties of hand-fertilising the female flowers with a pastry brush or similar. Here in the country, I reflected, we make our own fun.

At the end of the day the winner was 251 kilos and I was $80 lighter.

If you have ever met a Jack Russell terrier, you’ll have an idea of how big this particular Great Pumpkin below is. Tragically it was scratched before the race – the roosters got to it before the grower could stop them. The winners were much, much bigger.


Chad Taylor said...

I know a nice man with the surname Glassman, who lives with a lovely girl named Krystal. Fingers crossed for that relationship. What pisses me off is that I could make that up but it would never get past an editor.

Rob Hosking said...


Perhaps that's why 'Sunrise' got canned.

Oliver Driver needs to go and his HT licence.

Stephen Stratford said...

"What pisses me off is that I could make that up but it would never get past an editor."

Yes, Chad, but you did have a character called Ellerslie Penrose in your novel "Shirker", set in Auckland. Which is a bit like having a character called Victoria Camden in a novel set in London.

Chad Taylor said...

Ellerslie Penrose is a perfectly acceptable segue from Ellery Queen, sir. The new one features Lara Fountain.

Stephen Stratford said...

Chad, I do hope your Lara Fountain is named after the lovely doo-wop parody "Fountain of Love" on Frank Zappa's 1968 album "Ruben and the Jets" and not for, say, Lara Croft.

There is a real Lara Fountain in Auckland: she is or was assistant manager at Westin Auckland Lighter Quay’s Late Club. I am not making this up: see Nature imitating art, yet again.

Chad Taylor said...

No, it's theft. I saw her name and took it. It was either that or Moon Unit.

Stephen Stratford said...

I had lunch at Mount Maunganui today with most of my whanau, among them my niece and her husband Charlie. He is a drug-dealer.

Technically he is a marketing manager for a pharmaceuticals company, but I reckon it's the same thing. With a name like that, what hope did he have of being an accountant?

Samuel said...

More nominative determinism today from The Press, about two-thirds of the way down the article: