Happy new year everybody.
A new decade, a new mobile phone. My wife has a Blackberry so I have inherited her not-very-old one which has camera, music, email, Bluetooth etc. This is all new to me. I figured out how to make my own ringtones with the help of the brilliant free program Audacity and even – without the help of a teenager – how to associate a different ringtone to each caller. OK, this is five years later than everyone else, but still.
What I wanted was to make my phone sound different from everyone else’s – not because I’m a wanker, or not only because of that, but because sometimes I have to endure an all-day meeting with seven other people, all of whom are likely to get a call at some stage. Their phones sound more or less the same so we all dive for ours every time one rings. What, I wondered, was the least likely source material for anyone else to use and so the best choice for me? Obviously, the Frank Zappa songbook.
So far I have my wife as “Peaches en Regalia”. Mark from NZBC is “Willie the Pimp”. I’m not sure what to choose for Laughy Kate as there are so many options: “Oh No”, perhaps. Or possibly “No Not Now”.
Rob from NZBC is “Filthy Habits”. Chris from NZBC is “For the Young Sophisticate”. I’m not sure to whom I should assign “Treacherous Cretins”, but “Cocaine Decisions” is pretty clear. As is “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?”.